So you found your perfect match! You think that she/he might be the one. You love her/his family and friends. You want to get married and have children. But how do you make sure that your long-term relationship is fulfilling and healthy?
You need to put effort and work hard so that the relationship works out. Communicate clearly to your partner about your goals for the relationship. Do you want to have kids? Five of them? Move elsewhere? Have your mother-in-law live with you? Live in a condo in the city or in a quiet rural cottage house? Be clear; you don’t want to discover after a year that he doesn’t want kids or that she would choose her dog over you (I’ve seen this happen!).
Over time, you will get more comfortable together, but don’t take each other for granted. Go out on a date and make yourself look good for the other person. Otherwise, they would eventually feel like they’re no longer worth your effort. Be either 100% in or not at all!
Communications allows the couple to get over mistakes and arguments, and to improve and grow together. If you can’t communicate, or you lie to each other… don’t even bother! Check out my post about improving communication skills. Research has shows that couples most likely to fall apart when partners don’t listen to each other and become condescending. Don’t be condescending, it’s not respectful.
Apologize for your mistake or when you hurt the other person. There is a difference between apologizing for being wrong and apologizing for hurting your partner. Saying sorry doesn’t make your partner right, it just shows your understanding.
Be the kind of person you would want to be with. Work on each other’s goals together. Encourage each other on their achievements. Show that you are proud. Keep challenging each other. Do new activities together.
It is impossible to work on problems in your relationship if you don’t work out your own first. Besides, the way that you see the world around you depends on how you feel about yourself. For example, if you have a self-esteem issue then you may see some compliments as hidden criticism or feel attacked more easily, even if the other person had good intentions.I have seen this over and over again: people misinterpret external messages because of internal conflicts, and couples falling apart because of this misunderstanding. Jealousy, for example, most often comes from issues within. So, work on yourself first! It may require you to be selfish at times and take time for yourself, and that’s OK 🙂
Work together, not against each other. You will be much more successful and happier if you encourage each other’s goals. It’s easier to diet together, to exercise together, and to be together in difficult situation. When arguing, make sure that you see he other person’s perspective, work towards a COMMON goal, not just what YOU want. Be partners in life!
BREAK OUT OF PRE-DEFINED ROLES
“Our culture does a pretty good job of convincing us that men and women have to act a certain way or do certain things in a relationship. However, this doesn’t really work out that way in practice. Some men are just naturally good housekeepers and some women are just naturally good at fixing things. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and those don’t conform to gender stereotypes. If you want to have healthy relationships, don’t feel constrained to those boxes: just do what you do best and work together to build a happy life!” – WikiHow on Gender Stereotypes
AVOID manipulating each other, “playing games”, revenge… you’re better than that! Treat the other person the way you would want to be treated.
NEVER expect perfection. Excellence, maybe… perfection, never! Appreciate the little efforts they do even if it’s not exactly the result you wanted.
DON’T bring outside problems into your relationship.
Love deeply ❤